[plug] Re: Microsoft Australia news & Events - August 30, 2000 [humour]

[Leon Brooks]

Microsoft wrote:
> MICROSOFT .NET - THE FUTURE IS ABOUT TALKING THE SAME LANGUAGE
> Today, around 300 million people use the Internet worldwide for a myriad of business
> and personal applications ranging from shipping to shopping. So when former Microsoft
> CEO Bill Gates recently outlined his vision for the future of personal and business
> computing at Microsoft's Forum 2000, it was not about speed, power, or size... It was
> about integration and compatibility.

The kicker, of course: a Microsoft-only language, C-octothorpe.

> GET A HEAD START WITH ME
> Microsoft Windows Millennium Edition will soon be on the shelves, and here's your
> chance to get a head start with this step-by-step guide from Microsoft Press. Lessons
> include clear objectives and real-world business examples to make learning even
> complex tasks interesting.

Complex tasks like getting the thing to stay up for a full day? According to the
two reviewers I've read, it's much *less* reliable than 98SE, even with
"belt-and-braces" reliability enhancements which make it *a*third* slower!

> CREATE YOUR OWN SKINS FOR MICROSOFT WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER 7
> Check out this free online seminar that discusses how graphic designers and
> Web producers can create skins for the Microsoft Windows Media Player by
> changing the user interface, offering enhanced functionality and personality.

<fanfare>Microsoft announces the invention of... coloured snap-in faces for
mobile phones!

> MICROSOFT EXCHANGE SERVER 2000 TECHNOLOGY GUARANTEE
> If you acquire Microsoft Exchange Server 5.5 (Server, Enterprise Server and
> all Exchange 5.5 Client Access Licenses) between June 15 2000 and October 15
> 2000 you can upgrade to the equivalent Microsoft Exchange Server 2000 product
> for only the cost of shipping and handling ($24.95 including GST).

Translation: we feel threatened by OpenMail and the Bynari products.

> HUNDREDS OF FREE TEMPLATES FOR MICROSOFT OFFICE USERS
> http://officeupdate.microsoft.com/templategallery/
> Check out these great free templates that can save you heaps of time.

"Ooh, look, Rheba! It's a hurried-message-to-your-spouse-as-you-run-out-to-shop
template!"

I'd be tempted to log the amount of time that it took to find a useful one, then
to adapt it for my purpose. London to a brick it's quicker to invent your own. A
real purpose for these is to get people asking "...but where is the such-and-so
template?" when you switch them to a competing product.

-- 
How penguins survive: many are cold, but few are frozen.