[plug] flaming on the mailing list - was Re: [plug] iinet and email addresses

[Leon Brooks]

Gentlemen! Please! (-:

Neil Hunt wrote:
> Actually I've been on and off this mailing list for 2 years now.

And numerous other fora.

> On Fri, Mar 17, 2000 at 05:45:26PM +0800, Bret Busby wrote:

>> What kind of scum are you?

Before you ask an emotive question of another, ask it of yourself and
see how you feel. How would you react if someone asked _you_ this
question? Then choose a better question.

>> Unfortunately, smartlist appears to accept anyone, and is not particular about
>> what kind of person it accepts...

True. Think about it.

*** THE MAIN POINT ***

On many networks, lists and news groups, both of you would be ejected
for being rude. This mailing list, hoever, runs on toleration. I thank
God that I don't moderate it, and am pleased that it suffers no general
moderation.

Brett, I seem to remember a few meetings ago hearing you call for
moderated list. Any sensible moderator would ban you pretty quickly for
that "what kind of scum" question. Were you asking for a moderator only
for other peoples' messages, and not yours?

Also, many lists and groups of which I have been a part (Fido LTUAE
springs to mind) would chuck you off permanently for being TOO EASILY
ANNOYED. What this means is that you take umbrage and cause a flamewar
at any perceived slight, be it real or imagined, and the social fallout
which results is not welcome on that channel. On any channel. You
complain of being slighted but seem instantly ready to slight others. Do
you regard that situation as fair?

How well would two Brett Busbys with differing points of view work
together on a list? Call it an unproven opinion, because it is just
that, but I predict that in such a situation each would toast the other
soundly and one or both Bretts would pull up stakes in a huff because
their "rights weren't being protected" or something like that.

You can flame away at me because I have crocodile hide, but you can't
call me "the committee" because I'm not on it, and you can't call me
"the whole list" because I'm not. Any blame you attach to this message
attaches to me alone. However, I think a private ballot (straw poll)
would show the majority of those on this list who have an opinion would
agree that what I have said here is truth. Sadly, I believe that the
same poll could be run on several lists and in several places with
similar results. Could they _all_ be wrong, and Brett right?

You might think of questions like these as rude, but not only has your
abuse and railing been almost entirely in public, but it seems clear to
me that you haven't faced such questions and dealt with them positively
yet. Sooner or later, I think, you will have to face these questions or
some very like them and come up with positive answers.

By "positive answers" I don't mean leaving the list and denying that
there is a problem, and I don't mean flaming everyone who doesn't agree
completely with you on every point. I'm thinking more in terms of
reading every message before you send it, and thinking about how someone
who doesn't know you, doesn't know what you're thinking, would read it -
and how you would read it if you received it addressed to you. If you're
still not sure, pick someone whom you trust, but who is distant enough
from you to be reasonably impartial, and ask them to vet the message for
you. Sure, there's a delay, but it won't kill you.

You might also start wondering why you get angry so easily - go looking
both for an INTERNAL cause and for effective ways of getting control of
your life back. I'm sure it impacts more in your life than just mailing
lists. There are answers, and they can give you some real power in your
life.

Grover, you should be regarding Brett as bait, carefully laying aside
the flamethrower, and playing at a higher level. Are you still clear for
Tuesday night?

-- 
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.