[plug] Fwd: Abbott & Costello do Unix

[John Breen]

Sorry if it's OT, but I thought it too good to waste...

>A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
>
>Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of
a
>program ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: Yes, that's correct.
>
>Customer: No, what is it ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: Yes.
>
>Customer: So, which is the one ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
>
>Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger
>yoo' to get information about yoo'.
>
>Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: Use 'what'.
>
>Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
>
>Customer: Which one ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
>
>Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find
it?
>
>
>UNIX Consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type
'what
>program' to get the revision code.
>
>Customer: I want to find the revision code.
>
>UNIX Consultant: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what
>program'.
>
>Customer: Which command will do what I need?
>
>UNIX Consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
>
>Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
>
>UNIX Consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on
your
>system.
>
>Customer: Write what?
>
>UNIX Consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
>
>Customer: Cut that out!
>
>UNIX Consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget
the
>options.
>
>Customer: Do you always do this ?
>
>UNIX Consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
>
>Customer: HELP!
>
>UNIX Consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System
>(SCCS).
>
>Customer: You make me angry.
>
>UNIX Consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make
>programname' when I was upset once.
>
>Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
>
>UNIX Consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every
>system has 'more'.
>
>Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
>
>UNIX Consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a small
program,
>it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but
'at
>now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
>
>Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
>
>UNIX Consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get
>you to the Pascal compiler team.


Regards,

John Breen


|
| John Breen
|
| jbreen at wn.com.au
| john at fairport.com.au
|
| "Do not worry, Arthur Dent.  Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid."
| Agrajag, "Life, the Universe and Everything"
|