[plug] [OT]Microsoft cutting DOJ funding

[McMeikan, Andrew]

	Spotted this one while looking over the details of MS's lobby to cut
DOJ ant-trust funding.

	REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 15, 1999 -- In direct response to continuing
actions by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
America for an undisclosed sum. 
	"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "Microsoft is committed to doing whatever it
takes to keep ahead in the cut-throat market that we are in today."
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White
House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
that changes will be "minimal." The United States will be managed as a
wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned
for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve
Ballmer. 
	In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had
"willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president
with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,
reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the
mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as
"a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".
Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he
has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft. 
	Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to
Redmond as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions
for the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
abolished. 
	"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're
doing". 
	When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place". 
	Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that
United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
government services and discounts on all Microsoft products. 
	About Microsoft 
	Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader
in software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day. 
	About the United States 
	Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. 




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