[plug] The Best Of Billy Connolly

[Troy Reynolds]

People think there's only one way of wanking, but I've discovered a great
new way. You lie on your arm until it's gone dead. Then you do it. And it
feels like somebody else.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

Some people say 'I like women to talk dirty during sex' I like them to
shut the fuck up, I'm trying to last a decent time.

Poor Michael Jackson and these sex allegations. As if it's not bad enough
him being a Jehova's Witness, they're accusing him of behaving like a
catholic priest!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with
those wee red knives.

It was so cold that when I woke up in the morning I found a wee ice cube
in  my bed. I threw it in the fire and it went: FART!

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